Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

So I used to think that song "Perhaps" was so accurate in describing Mr. Garner and I's relationship. 'You won't admit you love me and so how am I ever to know....you only tell me perhaps, perhaps, perhaps." Well, it did. And now "Why should I care?" does. 'Was there something more I could have done, or was I not meant to be the one.' Truthfully, neither song applies and who the crap cares what I'm writing. I just got to thinking about all the things I would like to say you...Mr. Garner. And not because I am in love or because I think it will evoke a sense of revenge or anything like that. Just because I find it unfair that I never got to voice my feelings. Boo. So despite the happier moments and the fond memories I want you to know this:

On occasion you were rather mean to me and I don't like that nor do I deserve it. And I really, really hated nothing more than when you wouldn't believe me. I know the key of Mozart's 25th symphony--the liner notes are not wrong--it IS in g minor just like I said it was. I don't know why you were so defensive when I figured out those damn Mensa puzzles faster than you did. Most of the time I didn't but when I did you acted like I had cheated or something. Here's a memo: I am not dumb. In fact, I am actually smart on occasion. I don't care how insecure you are it is not acceptable to NEVER offer even the smallest compliment. Especially since I spent so much damn time trying to make you feel better about yourself. If I solo with a *ucking orchestra that warrants a "good job" or "congratulations". Get over yourself. Don't wait 7 years to tell me that you "concede" when someone says I'm gorgeous--at that point it's just a pathetic attempt at what should have been divulged long before...so don't bother. No one likes someone who is difficult and the people who deserve that the least are your family and closest friends so don't be a jerk to your parents. Come on, grow up already. Moscow Idaho may revolve around you but the rest of the world does not. Mary may think you are a better writer than I am but guess what--that doesn't mean you are. I happen to be a good enough writer to get by just as well as you do. And when we were duet partners? You really pissed me off. Why was it that when I made suggestions or pointed out mistakes you blew me off and basically ignored me but had no qualms about correcting me? Did you really think I didn't know what I was talking about? Because guess again...I'M the one getting the doctorate in piano--that has to be worth something. I know things too you know. I'm starting to feel a bit guilty about dishing it out like this so I'll end here for now but you deserve one final thought: I am not nor have I ever been inferior to you and you have no right to make me feel that way so if you loved me the way you said you did then you either were lying or don't know what love is. Your call. I'm done.