Friday, March 19, 2010
Thaddeus.
Oh little Thaddeus. He's just great. He's smart, he's cute, we have a lot of fun together, he likes me....the problem is he's 3 and he's not mine to keep. And after spending the afternoon together I got to wondering if maybe motherhood might be far more satisfying than music. Because the truth is I don't see the two going hand in hand. I'm following this blog about a social studies teacher who's agreed to eat school lunch everyday to experience first hand the rapid decline in public school lunches. Anyhoo...she said it's impossible to create an elaborate meal when you're 30, you work and you have a family so she has to plan every meal on the weekend and shop according to this unchangeable list. EVERY damn meal! I could never do that nor would I want to but...at the same time I don't want to practice and I don't want to do anything piano/music related. So what's a girl to do? I've wanted this doctorate forever and I will get it, soon actually. Well, soonish. But what IF I had gotten married in my 20s and cashed in my degrees for a downpayment on a house. And I stayed home taking care of the home and my kids...I wonder. It's not to say you can't have a career and a family nor am I saying that's not my hope. But...the truth is you can't be the best piano teacher and the best mom. I've already seen people try. Music is so unlike most careers. I remember Mr. Costa telling me "there are no holidays, there are no weekends. We are not like the mailmen. We have no days off." And it's true! Even over this break I saw my friends at Murphy late into the evening, like 11 or 12 p.m. and it's break!!! And I should clarify that by career I do not mean maintaining a single-digit sized 'studio' out of my home. I mean teaching in a university or a starting and running a music prep school for high schoolers, adjucating, performing, collaborating, etc. I guess all this seems so far in the future and so unlikely (marriage/kids) that I can sleep worry free for now. But somewhere in the back of my head is a mini Tad nagging at me, beckoning me to join a game of baseball, even without the bat and ball. Or to go fishing indoors with a jump rope as a lure. Or to make invisible cookies (truly calorie free) and to play golf with a tennis ball. If only I were a man and I could marry some unsuspecting girl to be all that I need and maintain my career. Oh and not have feelings. Ha ha. Oh well. For now I'll postpone practicing and enjoy Tad. Tomorrow we're going to the pet store! Who knows what wonders we'll find there.
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1 comment:
MMmmmm, I like this post. Very thought provoking. It's always good to think about things. I find my life as a stay-at-home mom very rewarding. And you are right, I will never have the success of someone with a doctoral degree, a competed for job, a fancy wardrobe, the wining and the dining and all that goes with "professional career". I just really don't think you can do both and do both well (although I know some people would argue this point with me). But you know what, that's fine with me. I feel like my call in life is to lay down my life for my little munchkins and to be there for them, and give them the solid foundation they need that will one day bring the opportunity for them to live out their dreams. Now, does this make me any better or worse than any other woman out there? No. I am who I am, and I am loving living out what I'm called to do. And that's what each of us has to do. How dull would this world be if we were all called to do the same thing. So go forth, my friend, find your dreams and live them. Okay, that last part sounded dorky, but really, you'll know what's right for you. CHEERS!
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