So I've been thinking of writing a letter to my former piano teacher but I thought I'd try out a variety of thoughts on here first. Here it goes....

Dear *%&,

I hope this letter finds you doing well and happy in your retirement. I know the university underwent a great loss with your departure but I know your retirement is well-deserved!

I'm writing to you because I have a bit of a confession I must make to you. I want to preface it by reassuring you of my adoration for you and my gratefulness for all you did for me during our time together. I know your abilities as a teacher and performer are great and I admire so many things about you! But that very admiration is what leads me to feeling the way that I do right now. Despite my feelings of respect I have for you I feel very hurt by the way I was treated while at the U of I. I admit my initial impression on you was very poor and that perhaps in the beginning there was little reason to trust my abilities. But I find the greatest teachers are those whose musicial abilities are rivaled only by their interest in their students progress. I realize I did not play like some of the other students, those who were showcased in masterclasses and on area recitals but the truth is that we both know my talent was just as great. It was my previous training that was not. I understand the amount of work I must have needed but to dismiss my abilities as mediocre was unfair and perhaps it was not seen as a dismissal but that is how I felt. Imagine how I felt when I requested to play a romantic piano concerto and was told they were all too hard for me yet my peers, often much younger than me, played the greatest works! And often with far less intuition and musicality than I could have shown. My love for Mozart was fostered and garnered some attention for which I am grateful. But that limited attention was overshadowed by the severe limitation set upon me. This presumptious lack of faith in my abilities really hurt me. I do not mean to attack you nor do I want to disrespect you. I simply think it unfair my feelings have gone unsaid all this time. Your reluctance over my studying with Steven seemed to clearly stem from your own motivations and reputation more than my possible improvements. I remember being accused of working harder for him than for you. The truth is that if I had been given the trust and respect that he gave me from the start of my time at the U of I you would have been dealing with a very different pianist. The greatest gift Steven has given me is to assume I can do whatever he asks of me instead of assuming he has already seen all I have to offer. I believe you to be a truly great teacher and man but dividing students into talented and less talented hurts both you and the students. I do ask your forgiveness for any disrespect this letter may cause but I wanted you to know how I felt. I miss your wonderful personality and the many laughs we shared. I always will love the way you taught and the ease you so often put me at. Thank you again for your efforts and your time.

Me

p.s. I play the hell out of the Schumann concerto. :)

I'm tired. I'm tired because of getting too little sleep. I'm tired of my apartment being disgusting. I'm tired of not feeling the same way about others as they do about me. I'm tired of waiting for Laura. Where is she?! I need her! Mostly I'm just tired of too many things. That isn't meant to be negative! Being tired brings change. And with changes comes new and exciting things. Sometimes. Oh and I'm damn tired of missing Mr. Garner. STILL. Well, only for spare moments. Whew. That is all for today. Bye bye.