Booooooo.

Wtf. I gave a GREAT lecture today, completed an assignment that was tricky for me, socialized more than most people do in a week, taught 2 killer lessons, sat through a rocky orchestra performance, and yet somehow I am the one feeling silly at the end of the day. THIS is why I have learned to ride solo and to do what I want. THIS why I try to avoid becoming smitten or having feelings. Alas, I have learned my lesson. So it begins. :) It's good. It's all good. It always has been. I just lost sight of my freedom and independence. I do what I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a day!

Wow, I totally feel like superwoman today. Okay, not nearly as cool, thin or valiant but I do feel like for a sluggish, over 30 (barely) single girl I did a freaking lot today. I managed to teach an unruly group of children "This little light of mine" single-handedly since the leader was sick, sing and lead a less unruly group of adults in the communion anthem, catch most of the sermon, make nice with the guests after the service, lead a rather efficient and effective rehearsal, practice Killer Queen and The Winner Take All until my voice was shot, eat well, practice for 4 hours, smoke 2 cigarettes (oops), shop organic (to balance the cigs), catch a movie, clean the bathroom, vacuum, pick up my room, write this blog and at least figure out what my homework is for tomorrow, doing it will have to wait. And all this because I went to bed at 10 p.m. last night and actually slept at that time. Clearly, that's the answer. So much for doing that today since it's well past 10. Anyhoo, it's been a damn good day. Now if the anxiety over all that hasn't been done today will keep at bay perhaps I'll enjoy a second good night of sleep. Perhaps. And maybe when I wake I'll know where I'm supposed to move next fall (Chicago or Seattle?), feel at least 5 lbs slimmer, be free of this week long sinus infection and find the courage to do what needs to be done in regards to that little distraction I have.......ha.

I choose vodka and Chaka Khan.

I have vodka but no Chaka Khan. My head wants to explode. My thighs have grown. I'm pissed I missed my moment today. I am damn lucky to have the friends I do. I was a little put out tonight. I had a moment worth a lifetime. I will always, always LOVE Schumann. I got a glimpse of what I am. I belong to no one. I am going to play Bach come hell or high water. I wish I could breathe. I feel ready to move away. I've been avoiding this for this for so long. Javier Bardem as Roland, yes please. I wish I had someone to hold my hand. I didn't fall today. I wish my makeup lasted all day. I can't wait much longer. You're such a tease. I still can't waltz very well. Several good deeds done today. I hate my hair. Damn you for ruining my opportunity! Few can comfort me. Mexican food is not my favorite. It's been a long and glorious day. Thank you vodka for always being there for me. No matter what.