Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes of circus crowds
I've looked at life that way.
Oh but now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost but something's gained
In living every day.
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all.
--Joni Mitchell
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Dear women:
What the hell is wrong with us? After giving the question much thought I can honestly say I don't know where we went wrong but when do go wrong....it's really damn wrong. And I'll be the first to admit it! Years of reflection and falling out of love made me realize how much of myself I compromised when in luv with Mr. Garner. And that's just the tip of the figurative iceberg. I know women whose husbands/boyfriends/others cheated on them, openly and secretly; women whose H/B/Os beat them down in every possible way, physically, mentally, emotionally, the list goes on. And yet, here we are, 50 years after the 'second-wave' feminism movement and we're still putting up with this crap. Why?! How many excuses have we made, how many explanations have we reasoned and how many hopes have we gotten up thinking things would be different. There are GREAT men out there, my dad is evidence there are, but we have to find them and more importantly we have to accept that it could take a long time. A damn long time. Yet before the 'right' one comes along we must somehow understand what is going on in that head and heart of ours so that we can differentiate between the one that 'got away' and the one that 'got in the way'.
What is it that makes women feel it's okay to be hit by someone who 'luvs' them? Or that they shouldn't take the most extreme/drastic measures to be sure it doesn't happen again? What makes women think she's got to put a ring on it because it's unlikely anyone else will ever come along? Few women would maintain a loveless friendship but thousands maintain loveless 'romances' and for what? What is it about being in a romantic relationship that somehow makes a woman more fulfilled? Is it satisfying, of course, is it pleasant sure, does it increase my value as a lady, as Kezia Schrag, as a person? Hell no. Why are we cheating ourselves when deep within we know we deserve the very best. Does 'the best' include money, looks, prestige? By all means no but it does mean that we deserve to be treated as well as we expected to be treated by our very closest friends. I can't say what's gone wrong in other ladies' lives that caused any doubt in their self worth but as for Mr. Garner it's very simple. I didn't feel smart so I needed to be around someone who was smart. I wasn't confident about the knowledge I did possess so again, I sought it out in someone else. I wasn't sure about who I was or what I wanted so the appeal of someone who was sure about both was very high. And yet, when all was said and done here is what I know:
1) I am smart.
2) I possess skills Mr. Garner never will.
3) I am dateable enough that it can be public knowledge.
4) Mr. Garner is sooooo gay.
5) I would rather spend the rest of my life happily alone than settle for anyone less than my father.
Whether this is the same issue as anyone else, I'll never know. But I do know this--we women are amazing. We juggle more relationships in a year than men do in a lifetime. We have to coordinate way more clothes than they do and probably on a smaller budget. We can simultaneously exercise the strength of a man with the grace of a woman. We can diffuse a tense situation faster than the best bomb squad. We can work full time at home as a mother or be president of a company and everything in between. Studies show that women make better doctors, athletes, investors and politicians. So here's what I say: everyday we deserve the best. Every damn day. So fathers, help me out--be a good example, love your daughters the way she deserves, show her real men exist, and show her not through brute strength or power but through humility, gentleness and integrity. Mothers, love your daughters regardless of how different they are from you. Don't judge their weight, don't live vicariously through them, don't expect them to be something they're not. And above all, make wise choices of which you can one day be proud your daughter imitated. And girls, last but not least...if you're in doubt over a guy, imagine he's your best friend's boyfriend. If you're appalled by what he just said or did, dump him. Because if he wouldn't be good enough for your BFF, why the hell would ever be good enough for you?
What is it that makes women feel it's okay to be hit by someone who 'luvs' them? Or that they shouldn't take the most extreme/drastic measures to be sure it doesn't happen again? What makes women think she's got to put a ring on it because it's unlikely anyone else will ever come along? Few women would maintain a loveless friendship but thousands maintain loveless 'romances' and for what? What is it about being in a romantic relationship that somehow makes a woman more fulfilled? Is it satisfying, of course, is it pleasant sure, does it increase my value as a lady, as Kezia Schrag, as a person? Hell no. Why are we cheating ourselves when deep within we know we deserve the very best. Does 'the best' include money, looks, prestige? By all means no but it does mean that we deserve to be treated as well as we expected to be treated by our very closest friends. I can't say what's gone wrong in other ladies' lives that caused any doubt in their self worth but as for Mr. Garner it's very simple. I didn't feel smart so I needed to be around someone who was smart. I wasn't confident about the knowledge I did possess so again, I sought it out in someone else. I wasn't sure about who I was or what I wanted so the appeal of someone who was sure about both was very high. And yet, when all was said and done here is what I know:
1) I am smart.
2) I possess skills Mr. Garner never will.
3) I am dateable enough that it can be public knowledge.
4) Mr. Garner is sooooo gay.
5) I would rather spend the rest of my life happily alone than settle for anyone less than my father.
Whether this is the same issue as anyone else, I'll never know. But I do know this--we women are amazing. We juggle more relationships in a year than men do in a lifetime. We have to coordinate way more clothes than they do and probably on a smaller budget. We can simultaneously exercise the strength of a man with the grace of a woman. We can diffuse a tense situation faster than the best bomb squad. We can work full time at home as a mother or be president of a company and everything in between. Studies show that women make better doctors, athletes, investors and politicians. So here's what I say: everyday we deserve the best. Every damn day. So fathers, help me out--be a good example, love your daughters the way she deserves, show her real men exist, and show her not through brute strength or power but through humility, gentleness and integrity. Mothers, love your daughters regardless of how different they are from you. Don't judge their weight, don't live vicariously through them, don't expect them to be something they're not. And above all, make wise choices of which you can one day be proud your daughter imitated. And girls, last but not least...if you're in doubt over a guy, imagine he's your best friend's boyfriend. If you're appalled by what he just said or did, dump him. Because if he wouldn't be good enough for your BFF, why the hell would ever be good enough for you?
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