Hmph!!!

It's official. If there is a God...he hates me. The longest winter ever...followed by a tease of 60 degree days and then snow. And the Jayhawks lost to a No. 11 team. Fine, hate me if you will!!!

Thaddeus.

Oh little Thaddeus. He's just great. He's smart, he's cute, we have a lot of fun together, he likes me....the problem is he's 3 and he's not mine to keep. And after spending the afternoon together I got to wondering if maybe motherhood might be far more satisfying than music. Because the truth is I don't see the two going hand in hand. I'm following this blog about a social studies teacher who's agreed to eat school lunch everyday to experience first hand the rapid decline in public school lunches. Anyhoo...she said it's impossible to create an elaborate meal when you're 30, you work and you have a family so she has to plan every meal on the weekend and shop according to this unchangeable list. EVERY damn meal! I could never do that nor would I want to but...at the same time I don't want to practice and I don't want to do anything piano/music related. So what's a girl to do? I've wanted this doctorate forever and I will get it, soon actually. Well, soonish. But what IF I had gotten married in my 20s and cashed in my degrees for a downpayment on a house. And I stayed home taking care of the home and my kids...I wonder. It's not to say you can't have a career and a family nor am I saying that's not my hope. But...the truth is you can't be the best piano teacher and the best mom. I've already seen people try. Music is so unlike most careers. I remember Mr. Costa telling me "there are no holidays, there are no weekends. We are not like the mailmen. We have no days off." And it's true! Even over this break I saw my friends at Murphy late into the evening, like 11 or 12 p.m. and it's break!!! And I should clarify that by career I do not mean maintaining a single-digit sized 'studio' out of my home. I mean teaching in a university or a starting and running a music prep school for high schoolers, adjucating, performing, collaborating, etc. I guess all this seems so far in the future and so unlikely (marriage/kids) that I can sleep worry free for now. But somewhere in the back of my head is a mini Tad nagging at me, beckoning me to join a game of baseball, even without the bat and ball. Or to go fishing indoors with a jump rope as a lure. Or to make invisible cookies (truly calorie free) and to play golf with a tennis ball. If only I were a man and I could marry some unsuspecting girl to be all that I need and maintain my career. Oh and not have feelings. Ha ha. Oh well. For now I'll postpone practicing and enjoy Tad. Tomorrow we're going to the pet store! Who knows what wonders we'll find there.

!!!

Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!!!

Oh my.

Today I was up a pound but I deserved it. I'm remotivated. I hate the piano and missed my calling as a housewife. I made picadillo minus the jalapeno this time and it's lacking...but at least it's edible. I emailed Mr. Garner and it feels good for some reason. I worked out. Only 200+ calories but that's more than if I hadn't gone. Hot tub is actually hot tonight. Vodka is calling my name. "keeeeezia" it whispers, beckons. My zit is still on my forehead remind me I am 30 with the skin of a teenager. I saw Steven for the first time in weeks--he's SO great. Laura and I had dinner again tonight. We're gonna be real happy living together I can tell. Or hate each other. One of the two... :)

Ode

Zit on my forehead
How I hate you.
Zit on my forehead
Go away, shoo!
Zit on my forehead
Just let me be.
Zit on my forehead
Was one,now three?!
Zit on my forehead
One day you'll go.
Zit on my forehead
No longer my foe.

Life's unfair...

...because on days like this I miss you far more than you deserve.

Blah.

I feel so gross right now. I ate pizza last night, half a calzone tonight, lucky charms just now, the $145 temporary filling I had already came out (after 2 days!) and my eyes itch like crazy b/c of the cat. Ahhh!!!! Help me!

bibbity bobbity boo!

Tonight I ate at Teller's and it was magical!!! The baked goat cheese....oh my gosh, it was orgasmic. And bread, bread, bread! With olive oil. Mmm. Ooh, preceded by a vodka gimlet on the rocks--just how I like it. And roasted chicken with a mushroom risotto and crunchy cooked green beans. Ohhhhhhhh man. Then free tiramisu for the birthday girl! So much fun. And totally guilt free. Well, not guilt free, just minimal after reaching my 25 lb. mark. *sigh* What a lovely evening. If only everyday was like yesterday or today....oh and bryce got into rice!!!!!! I'm so excited for him! And a wee bit envious. As I should be. :)

*sigh*

It's been a good day. No, it's been a GREAT day. I went to my WW meeting this morning and reached 25 lbs!!! So that's awesome. Even if people haven't noticed or are afraid to tell me they've noticed. Whatev. I notice. Ha! I FIIIIINALLY got new contacts after stretching a 1-year supply into 2. Heheh. And new glasses, first time in 13 years. I'm just making that number up. I have no idea how long it's been. A damn long time though. A whole day with my auntie--who I absolutely adore. And I paid off 2 bills I've been chipping away at for a few years. A few years!!! I ate healthily today and am under my points. Take that fat. And an evening with two of my leading ladies at the movies...what a truly lovely day. Now to put the finishing touches on..by sending a rather dreadful email. Gross. What an end to a seemingly perfect day. Except...that I should feel better. Emphasis on better. Oh on a happier note, after taking my car to get 'fixed' it turned out nothing was wrong with it. If only I could say the same about myself.....meh. I'm off to click send and try to fall asleep. Zzz. :)

10 things I learned this week.

1. It is as important to resist temptation as it is to avoid it.

2. I do not like double-fiber, whole wheat english muffins. Who's idea was that anyway???

3. I am totally meant to be a mom. I have more fun with Tad than...well, than anyone.

4. Just because someone is better than Mr. Garner does not make them good enough for me.

5. My brother will always be my brother. No matter what.

6. I should only ever have short hair. Not everyone can say that...but I can.

7. People stress out WAAAAY to much for Steven's tests.

8. 1 1/2 slices of Papa Murphy's pizza IS enough.

9. Coffee from Dunn Brothers will always be better than coffee I make at home.

10. I am a coward.