Porque no?

Someone needs to invent a business that delivers thoughtful gifts of your own choosing for delivery at random times. I'm just saying. It's the same reason I'm ordering myself Valentine's flowers--because I deserve them and why should I wait for someone else to do it? Frankly, despite how cliche it is, receiving delivered flowers is one of my most favorite gestures ever and how many times has it happened? A few. And always by the same person: my father--one of the may reasons he is the BEST man in the world. I think we're responsible for our own happiness and while others often bring it to us, what's so shameful about going after it for ourselves? So in an effort to delay writing about Schubert (however momentarily), I am making a list of the "top" 5 things I am going to by myself in the coming months, regardless of the total lack of surprise involved. Ha!


1) Aristocats (the Disney movie): because I could watch that scene "Everybody wants to be a cat" over and over and over again and still be in tears from laughing so hard.

2) An expahnsive candle: because I love the scent of a quality candle and again, it's so cliche people don't buy them for gifts much and if they do they tend to be cheap or vanilla or both.

3) Flowers: I've already found the ones I want delivered to me on Valentine's Day, now just to order them!

4) A new CD: In this age of itunes, spotify and sirius radio, CDs are no longer a hot commodity. Except to me! I must say this is something Mr. Garner was really good at picking out for me. Gone are those days--thanks be to God. So to Hastings for something that tickles my fancy.

5) A cute or sentimental postcard: They have the most fabulous ones at The Raven and the Dusty Bookshelf and I always think, shoot, I wish someone would send me that. Wayull, I can't expect anyone but me to read my mind so this week I'm going to do just that!

I should close this by saying I've received the most thoughtful gifts from my Tier 1 who is a pro at such things and just today my auntie gave me 2 great little gifts that she picked out just for moi. I am spoiled and I am loved. My only point is I can't be loved too much. Even if by my own self. :)

All you need is luv

So I've been delaying this post because I'm afraid it sends the wrong idea and it seems premature but what the heck, this is *my* blog and I do what I want. I've been thinking about love of all sorts and in any context because it's something that's easy for me to exercise. Yet after many years, much reconsideration, countless hours of over analyzing and too many wasted tears, I've come to the very real conclusion that I, Kezia Joy Schrag, have never been in love. I thought I had been in love but in hindsight I think it was infatuation with a hint of obsession. When you love someone you don't compromise yourself, you find yourself becoming a better person because of them right? And your life becomes one of mutual companionship, not an imbalance of giving and getting. I could go on and on but I want to get the point which is simply that I've found a new favorite song that perfectly describes how I feel about love. For the full effect, view the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4phAaJKQIE

For now, here it goes, in the voice of Billie Holiday:

When somebody loves you
It's no good unless he loves you - all the way
Happy to be near you
When you need someone to cheer you - all the way

Taller than the tallest tree is
That's how it's got to feel
Deeper than the deep blue see is
That's how deep it goes - if its real

When somebody needs you
It's no good unless he needs you - all the way
Through the good or lean years
And for all the in between years - come what may

Who know where the road will lead us
Only a fool would say
But if you'll let me love you
It's for sure I'm gonna love you - all the way, all the way

*sigh* Perhaps one day I'll feel like this and if not, it's not meant for me and that's okay. We'll see. There's a good 50 years left if all goes well. What's the rush? :)

How much .... is too much.

I'll never really know I guess. How much is demasiado. All I know is that the girl in me says I want to go with my gut instincts and say what I want, when I want regardless of frequency or tone. And yet, the woman inside me says not to--that I'll become *that* girl. Where is the line between sweet and suffocating? The difference between thoughtful and obsessive? *sigh* And if I deny myself the chance to initiate in an effort to avoid becoming the one who always initiates then isn't that playing mind games? Even if only with myself? So what am I to do....Argh. Que sera, sera I suppose.

4 - week goals

So today I set 2 goals with my WW leader. The timeline is starting 1/18 and ending 2/15. They are:

1) Run the entire 4m Love 2 Run couples race, mit oder ohne eine freund. (party of 1 please?)

2) Lose an average of .6 lbs a week for a total of 2.4 lbs.

IF I reach both goals I'm rewarding myself with an hour massage!!!
If I reach only 1 goal I get to buy new earrings. Not bad. On a more personal note my current goal is to keep my expectations low so that in the event things don't work out the disappointment is minimal. How negative that might sound but honestly I just can't take getting excited and getting disappointments so really it's just realistic, self-preservation. Okay, here we go, bon chance, viel gluck and buena suerte!!!

2nd blog like a hobbit's 2nd breakfast

Top reasons today was better than usual:

1)bedtime recitations in German (technically happened *today*)
2)discovered new favorite song to replace previous favorite tainted by jerk who broke my heart.
3)breakfast with my Tier 1.
4)discarded half my clothes b/c they're too big.
5)singalong with Tier 1.

NYE Resolutions!!!

After much debate over whether I should even make any I've decided on 5 attainable resolutions. In no particular order:

1)GRADUATE: because Kezia Schrag sounds cool but DR. Kezia Schrag sounds even better.

2)Relearn the splits--b/c I *used* to be able to to them and they're bound to come in useful (ha!)

3) Reach my goal weight: 21 lbs to go but lost 35 in a semester so a 21 in a year should be easy peasy.

4)Learn a lullaby. In Spanish. Because it's been requested.

5) Every day thank God for at least 1 thing because heavens knows there's 100+ a day for which I have to be thankful.

That's it! 2012 is going to have its ups and downs for sure (like every year) but if the first few weeks are any indication the rest of the year should be pretty freaking awesome....

Meine mutter ist die besten.

As of today I am 32 years old, at my driver's license weight, a size medium at the Gap (which is b/c they run super large now), growing my hair out a bit, in love with ice water, the Tier 1 of one of the best people I'll ever know, finishing up my doctorate, smitten, healthier than ever, and so much more. But above all of those trivial things I am officially 'friends' with my mother. And why should I not be? The advice she gave me tonight was not only exactly what I needed to hear but delivered with an intensity that made realize I had to take it [the advice]. If only I could have realized sooner that only my mom knows how I need to hear things....after all, she's the woman who raised me and to whom I owe my overwhelming satisfaction with life. So here's to you Mom, may 2012 be the start of getting to know you, getting to know all about you....getting to like you, getting to hope you like me.

And that's the truth.

I have only one Tier 1. Without whom, no one else matters.

Wayull.

I love people who no matter how short or long their stay in your life turns out to be, you'll always remember them.