'tis a sweet memory

Tonight I went to my first symphony orchestra concert in way too long. Why do I wait for those? They are hands down my favorite musical concerts to attend. Solo piano pales in comparison to the greatest repertoire and the extensive palette of colors. I have such fond memories of going to the symphony when I was little and how mesmerizing it was to see so many people interact on stage, guided by only the music and one man....since I've only ever seen 2 female conductors. Ever. What gives? And besides, solo recitals are just so...freaking boring usually. Singers can pull off a decent one here and there but come on, I'd be lying if I said I enjoy a recital. I suppose that's after years of going to mediocre performances given only as a requirement. Plus, I'm pianoed out for the most part. Oh and there's a very strong nostalgic feeling for me when it comes to orchestra concerts. They're so magical!!! Tonight's was just beautiful and the soloists were incredible. It was just lovely, lovely! Next time I can't and won't wait so long. :)

Aw man...

I had the absolute worst dream last night. It wasn't scary nor was it prophetic, no one died, I wasn't hurt. It was awful because it was so real and so satisfying. Until I woke up. Somehow I was in a situation in which some weird natural disaster of sorts, like a storm, hit the area and I was running for my life, barely able to survive. But somehow I got into a basement area with a bunch of people and survived. After I emerged into the outdoors and people were scrambling to find each other and make contact with their loved ones I got a call from Rachel. Just asking if I'd survived and in that very question all of our feelings were resolved and forgiven. The pure elation of forgiveness and resolution were so real and felt so strongly even in my sleep. Immediately following that call I ran into Mr. Garner and somehow we found ourselves in a rather affectionate embrace, also culminating in unsaid apologies and filled with incredible hope. Even in that moment in which you are almost awake but not quite...I felt so peaceful and blissful, unlike I have felt in years. After forcing myself to open my eyes for a split second I felt so free and joyful thinking all was right. But then my heart became heavy again with the awareness that I will never experience such happiness with either of those people....god dammit.

Wow...

This week I got the following:

"You're not married are you?" -- my 8 year old student.
"You're a kid huh?" --same student
"Your hair is cute. It's much better than some of the other cuts you've had." -- 'friend'
"So you just sing and dance and play piano right?" -- my 12 year old student on being a music major
"It's nothing personal..." -- my teacher kindly lying to me probably to spare my feelings
I can't remember the other humorous ones....shit.

Ooh, but this one was nice and much needed:
"You look good. But you always look good." -- my male fan

Blah, this week sucks.

Rain day blues

Today is just one of those quirky, exhausting days on which you accomplish very little. I had a great piano lesson and if I may say so (which I can b/c no one reads this...unless they accidentally google me), I taught a damn good lesson. Damn good. And I just love it so much, it's days like this when I think,yeah, I AM meant to do this. And it brings a satisfaction nothing else could. So why does it have to be coupled with the annoying sensation of helplessness? Gosh. What the F. Lesson learned....well, I don't know. To let go? Perhaps. After all is said and done, apologies made, patience tested, prayers said and all possibilities exhausted I'm still put out. So what now? What now....meh. You can't win 'em all.