The unexpectations of this week

Wow, so I really hit the ground running this week and while I'm terribly out of shape and I am fighting a bit of a cold, I LOVE it! I finally realized being out of class leaves me out of touch which in turn gives me nothing to motivate me. So now the chaos begins but the feelings of life have returned. Thanks be to God. A couple of great recitals already this semester. Joyce Castle is a freak! How one woman can command an audience, a stage and your attention I will never know nor will I ever be able to imitate. No matter how hard I try. Good thing we have her. Then a tuba recital, who the crap knew. Apparently, I've been sheltered all these years and when any good musician plays freaking well it's incredible, regardless of the instrument. I won't lie, tuba is not my thing but holy crap, tonight was amazing. And now, the best for last, my unrequitted love, Radu Lupu. It might be a bit of an eye opener if he's not as brilliant as my decca recordings have led me to think he is. But at the least it should be off my bucket list. Whew. Well, what a week. A pleasant reminder that amidst all that goes on in the world I live a very privileged, complete and satisfying life!

Because the vodka told me to....

So apparently 3 drinks on my own lead to a very boring evening at home. Not that I mind. I just saw Black Swan and heavens knows after that I needed a stiff drink. Or three. And the vodka got me to thinking about two lists I need to make, no. 1 -- why I'd be a good girlfriend (duh) and no. 2 -- best compliments of 2010. So for your reading pleasure should you be as tipsy as I am right now....


Top 10 reasons I am a bad%@#& girlfriend drumroll please....

1)I am an incredible housekeeper. Really. I am a master of the dishcloth, I know my disinfectant from my antibacterial (yes, they are different), I am OCD about laundry so it's always done right and above all I actually enjoy it.

2)I desperately need my ME time which means I need time away from you which more importantly means I know you need your time with friends, drinking, eating, indulging and possibly a ride because you're too drunk to drive and want to maul/molest me upon your return. It's cool. I'm down with that. Really...

3)I know my sports. I know that right now Luck could be the No. 1 NFL draft next year but is passing up 60 million $$$$ to stay at Stanford to finish his architecture degree. (and no I didn't just google that). I also know nobody really likes the Miami Heat right now since Lebron abandoned the Cavaliers and I can name the top 5 NCAA basketball teams at any given time. I also know the Chiefs lost this
last Sunday but many hope they win this Sunday for a bid at the Super Bowl.

4) I can cook. I can't make tons of things but the food I can make is damn good and most likely better than anything you can make.

5) I'm funny. So I've been told....jury's still out but it deserves to make an appearance.

6)Well, I can't go into detail but....you can use your imagination for what this one is, I am both good (so I've heard) and enjoy it. Heheh.

7) I am soooo easy to please and very cliche. I don't need much. A dinner out, flowers, a high five, a good hug, a nice compliment. It doesn't take much for me to be happy. In fact, I'm happy enough without you but if you're around I'll take any of the easily given aforementioned.

8)I'm smart enough. I'm not like some of my friends or a genius by any means but I know a lot of things and I give good advice so it's not a bad thing to have me around

9)I don't cry easily. Enough said.

10) I am fiercely loyal. I can decipher good from bad even when it comes to you but chances are I will be your number one fan and defend your glory (even if nonexistent...)

Well, there you have it. Just a gentle reminder to myself why I'm a good catch. The ten reasons why I am not has failed to be published....at least under my name. I'll leave that to an ex. Ha ha!

Well that was unexpected.

Today was really, really lovely! I slept in late (perhaps too late...) and went to practice a bit. Too bad I realized how horribly out of musical shape I am. I have a lot of work ahead of me but I need the distraction. Then a long work meeting that I really enjoyed. I've noticed people discussing 'next year' or 'next season' or 'in the fall'...it's weird to think, oh, that doesn't matter because I won't be here. In fact, it's downright sad. Those who know are happy for me as am I of course but it's funny realization that this student lifestyleis all I know and it's going to finally come to an end. Untimely but end nonetheless. I catch myself getting excited in conversations regarding the future and then remember it doesn't involve me. *sigh* Oh well, they'll move on without me. Having said that I am continuously touched at how grateful my congregation is for me. I reguarly get sincere thanks and high compliments for something I really love. It's taken me awhile to realize how significant I am to them but it's a great feeling. The day was topped off with a homemade dinner by Heather and it was orgasmic. I don't even remember the last time someone cooked for me....it's about time! Nah, it's ok but I do love that and I felt quite pampered by both of them tonight. Here's to hoping tomorrow is equally glorious. Cheers!

.............

So I talked to Mr. Garner's papa tonight and it was a seriously groundbreaking moment that led to some serious thought on my part. Last night I gushed on about the sheer genius of Schubert's D. 960 and while I still feel very affectionate and fond of the piece I'd temporarily forgotten my only true love: Schumann. And after listening to the original ending to his Op. 17 Fantasie over and over and over again I realized that Schubert and Schumann are wonderful and freakishly accurate images for my loves in life. Perhaps because I first fell in love with D. 960 when played by the first love of my life. But more importantly I realized that I love the whole sonata, from beginning to end because it's charming, painstaking in places and overall a complete joy to play/listen to....the beauty is consistent through out and my feelings for it are delightfully strong. BUT....when I listened to the Schumann last movement the feelings it evokes from me are unparalled. It is not just genius, it is divine. It is the most glorious music I have ever heard and the sheer power it holds over me is greater than anything in the Schubert. And although it's only minutes at the end that send waves of emotion through me and leave in weeping out of joy, bliss or pain, those few minutes surpass the entirety of D. 960. Having said that I adore both and I cannot wait for my recital, the Schubert will rock. But much like Mr. Garner they are my first loves and not the one love.....even now as I listen to it for the upteenth time in the last 24 hours my breath is taken away and I'm left entranced. *sigh* I love that Schumann was too self-aware to leave the original ending if only because it makes the original ending more scarce and therefore more enticing. What a man. I could love a man like that forever. So I've had my Schubert....now to wait for my Schumann. And on an ending note, I have to say my talk with Mr. Garner Senior did more for me than any analyzing, fretting, discussing, mulling or doubting I've done over the last years. Well done good sir, for today I thank you. :)

today

I can't imagine anything more genius that D. 960. Good times with a new friend! Pants are totally optional. New planner! In need of some red wine. Gimpy wrist no more. Horowitz's timing is enviable. Nothing beats an LP. Feeling rather triumphant. Wishing I had more than chicken sausage for dinner. New GAP sweater for $12, whoo hoo. Seattle on the mind. Can't wait to whore up my lips with red again. Madly in love with the right man: Schubert. Loving my mom. Accepting I'll never get Movement IV as fast as I should. Repeated listening of original ending to Op. 17 and overwhelming tears of joy. Reveling in my solitude. Best start to any year so far!

2011. For realz.

So every year since I can remember (which isn't saying toooooo much) I have written some sort of 'end-of-the-year' entry which used to be in handwritten form but thanks to modern advances comes via my highly neglected blog. So here we go, a recap of things I am most grateful for in 2010. In random order...

1)my parents: they will always, always make list but just this week I went through photo albums from my childhood (back when I was much cuter) and I appreciate even more the lengths they went to create a happy, healthy, memorable childhood for me. Their continued devotion to me is overwhelming and I owe everything I am to them. You rock Mr. and Mrs. Schrag.

2)My health: sure I have weird back problems and the occasional sore throat and whatnot but I am cancer and disease free. We really take that for granted in the U.S.! But really, the fact I am average has never been such a blessing.

3)my boyfriends: I use that term loosely because it seems so unfamiliar after Mr. Garner not letting me use it. Ha. Anyway, in 2010 I dated several really nice, good guys. High on potential? Not so much. Hot? Definitely not.... Genius? Not quite. But each of them was a good guy to whom I owe tremendous thanks for treating me well, being loyal, and making me feel worth more than I probably am.

4) my jobs: I know it's cliche but really...some days I walk away from an effing good piano lesson I'VE given or a great choir performance and think wow, these people actually pay me for this. I get paid to do something I love! How many other people can be so excited about their jobs?

5)my Tier 1: There is only one Tier 1. Need I say more? No really, what more can I even say. It's one thing to have a best friend but to be someone's best friend? That's a whole different ball game. One I'm willing to play.

6) Mmm, a kiss: I had one of the best kiss(es) I've ever really had. If only he knew. I'm sure he does. You don't whip out that kind of talent without knowing. Thanks what's your name.

7) Steven: Doesn't he always make the list? When you're such a badass you're bound to I suppose. He never ceases to amaze or inspire me but this year was particularly good. Mostly this recent occasion when out of exasperation with me not knowing my niche he exclaimed "You're a fucking good teacher!!!" I know I'm a decent teacher but someone who's the master of the art telling me I'm good at it. No better compliment.

8)Forgiveness: After tremendous soul searching I found myself willing and able to forgive two particular people who never even offered apologies. Arrogant perhaps but well-intentioned. I can't carry this bitterness around forever nor would even they want me to so I've let it go. Like any potent disease though a few scant pieces remain to be purged out in 2011.

9) Give a little, get a little: This by far was the hardest to adapt to but on multiple occasions I found myself letting someone help me. I don't know why that's so hard or so foreign but it is. On one occasion LL helped me after I'd done something for her and while I was reluctant slowly I realized, huh, that's what it's like to give and get. Who knew.

10) Puppies: I know, I know. Why is this here? Well, because I am not in love, I am childless and because I'm not afraid to admit or go after what will make me happy. And puppies are the damn cutest things ever. Especially Lask and Janelle's two poodles. One day I'll have my own and my life will be complete. I've abandoned unrequited love now that I'm in my 30s since it controlled my 20s so damn men and kids, I just need my own little pooch. One day. You hear that people? My happiness will be complete and then what? :) Bliss.


Welcome 2011, bring on my dma. Did you hear that? DMA. Dr Schrag. This is the moment.

Love Actually & leftover pizza...

"Worse than the total agony of being in love?" Nothing worse. Out of love in 2010 and out of it in 2011. Whew.