Aw man...

I had the absolute worst dream last night. It wasn't scary nor was it prophetic, no one died, I wasn't hurt. It was awful because it was so real and so satisfying. Until I woke up. Somehow I was in a situation in which some weird natural disaster of sorts, like a storm, hit the area and I was running for my life, barely able to survive. But somehow I got into a basement area with a bunch of people and survived. After I emerged into the outdoors and people were scrambling to find each other and make contact with their loved ones I got a call from Rachel. Just asking if I'd survived and in that very question all of our feelings were resolved and forgiven. The pure elation of forgiveness and resolution were so real and felt so strongly even in my sleep. Immediately following that call I ran into Mr. Garner and somehow we found ourselves in a rather affectionate embrace, also culminating in unsaid apologies and filled with incredible hope. Even in that moment in which you are almost awake but not quite...I felt so peaceful and blissful, unlike I have felt in years. After forcing myself to open my eyes for a split second I felt so free and joyful thinking all was right. But then my heart became heavy again with the awareness that I will never experience such happiness with either of those people....god dammit.