That kinda makes sahnse.

I've felt all out of sorts lately, nervous, fickle, resisting the urge to follow suit, and an overall sense of imbalance. But I fiiiiinally made a worthwhile connection today that will carry me through the next week, hopefully the next semester and if we're lucky, the next year. Something about big exams, plotting the next step in life, wondering if I should date, etc. has bogged me down and made me lose sight. But this morning on the way commute back from church to Lawrence my driver showed me a 'shortcut' that bypasses the business of Olathe in hopes of saving a few minutes time. The shortcut was nothing spectacular but it was so enlightening because as we emerged from the end of the shortcut to my normal pathway I noticed something. For a split second I felt confused and turned around because the scenery of the end of our shortcut seemed so unfamiliar and I like to think I have good sense of direction so I felt so turned around. But in just a short moment I realized as I turned around to view where we'd come from that it was the same familiar intersection I always turn at, K-7 and the Old 56 Highway, just from a different direction. And I realized that it's just like now: same people, same events, same tasks, same challenges, same rewards but just all over again. And I've always figured or known what to do before so why wouldn't I now? I was just getting nervous about the unknown and yet to come. But it's ok, it's just bend in the road! And lesser musicians and poorer writers have passed this exam. Yes, they studied WAY more than me but that's ok. There's nothing that says I have to pass everything or that if I don't there's something wrong with me. Just like there's nothing wrong with me that's causing me to be single right now. Someone just wisely reminded me that it's not them who don't want to be around me but more often the other way around. I am worried about some things for next year but they can wait to be sorted out until at least the end of the summer. I have a job. I have students. I have fans. That's all I need for now. And this: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, Provers 3:5. God is good. All the time. Now if only he could take my comps for me.......Ha.

Really?

It's curious how someone's habits make us self-conscious about our own.

100th blog

It's a damn good things I have such a large pool of friends from whom to choose since so many seem to back out on me. Sheesh.

Procrastination station.

*sigh* I am pathetic. I cannot find it in me to finish even one category of note cards for my comps coming up in late June. My mind is wandering and I'm bored and my head hurts but I can't take anything because my stomach is a volcano spewing bile into my throat. Mmm bile. Anyway, I've been thinking maybe I should start dating again after the spree of fall 2009-spring 2010. Maybe. But then I think of all those silly stories and incidences which make me rethink the whole thing. Perhaps I'm wrong or too picky or not really looking but I swear that the men I come across are just not worth it. Why is that you ask? Oh because of things like:

*If you want to date me do not tell me what I do is "cute". When I say I have to go practice the piano do not mockingly say I am like Jerry Lee Lewis and that it's cute I play the piano. At the pinnacle of my career I will make a LOT more than you do. So ha.

*Do not wear your work clothes as street clothes. Men in uniform only works if your uniform is clean and/or sexy, i.e., marines.

*Please, please do not insult my frugal lifestyle because of being a student. Do not ask me how much I make and suggest $8 or later ask $10 after I've told you I do well for myself. Hourly I make more than you do. I just don't work more than 2-3 hours a week...yet.

*It's fine if you can't cook, I'm not that great either. But don't relate to me about cooking, convince me you are a chef and invite me over for stir-fry of frozen cauliflower/carrots/broccoli/chicken and grape kool-aid. I know the difference between your stir-fry and real stir-fry. Just be upfront.

*It's not really ok to ask me on a first date "How is it you don't have a ring on your finger? How are you not taken?" First of all, I don't really like rings. Secondly, I'll settle for less with my coffee, clothes and food but not with my men. Thirdly, because I am stuck dating men who untimely ask such questions.

*You will never get with me if you're married, built like a tank and tell me you think about me 'all the time' and wonder what I look like without my clothes.....NEVER.

*We're not going to have a second date if you are negative, gossipy and untruthful the whole time, especially when it's about people I know and consider my friends.

*Lastly, dear heavens, if you talk about yourself and never inquire about me we're not going to get beyond this one interaction. And I won't feel bad at all about ordering the most expensive item on the menu, drinks AND dessert.

Well, that's a start of unleashing. I feel like I have more stories but far too inappropriate for the web and anyone who stumbles across this. Let's hope it's not one of the guys from above. I'm sure they have their own complaints about me. We all do. I think it's just about finding the one who even when you're pissed at them or complaining about them upon seeing them that vanishes and you're just happy to see their face. Or sometimes it's just about the free dinners, making out and someone to hang out with when everyone else is busy. I think for me, it's the latter. Yes, I'm quite sure that at this stage it is. Now let's see what I can find...

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I cannot believe I put up with so many things I disliked and for so long. This feeling of being out of love is sweeter after being in the wrong love. I'm in love with being out of love!

:)

$.99 margaritas are where it's at. My Ree Ree is freaking awesome and easily the best designated driver I've ever had. I LOVE teaching piano! That zit is gonna be old news tomorrow. A stellar musical performance awaits me tomorrow night, whee!!!! My parents are the best because they love me AND they love my friends. Jung is not pregnant, contrary to today's story. Ha. I can't stop myself right now, this is not good. I've resolved myself that Mr. Garner is the one who got IN the way as opposed to being the one who got away. I have yet to learn how "to work it". Every jazz version of "Someday my prince will come" somehow makes me actually want to find my prince. I wish I was a singer because that's where the fun is. Public breastfeeding offends me not matter how natural it is (so is pooping and intercourse but I don't whip those out whenever!) I need to turn in, I have a 9 a.m. lesson and neither of us are morning people, ouch. On the other hand, I can almost feel the end!!!!!!! And the beginning of the next chapter as: DR. SCHRAG. Sexy.

Thank you thank you!

For a most lovely day! Of course I can say most of my days are lovely but this one was especially. I had such fun at church today and even found it in myself to leave early and buy myself an early afternoon. This whole week has been good actually....here's a few highlights from it:

~ Good hot tubbing. Always a plus in any week!
~ An unexpected visit from my dad. Almost as good as the other unexpected surprise. ;)
~ I got told I'm the "cool kid" at Murphy. Fiiiiinally. My social status has maxed out.
~ I gave my mom some adult-to-adult advice. Not only did she take it but she called me later to thank me for it. Wow.
~ Easter. Jesus rose and so I live eternally in his arms. Enough said.
~ My skin is especially good this week. It's not bound to last though. Darn.
~ Indulgence all around this week.

Having said that, I need to make my coming weeks Lent, or the practice of self-restraint. Which I know little of....but honestly, this messing around has got to come to an end. No good can come of it. So tomorrow up a bit earlier, on time to class, healthy eating and if there's time some a visit to the gym is in order. It's this eating out that's killing me. It's so damn social and it's not like any of my friends are especially conscious/healthy eaters.....I just get caught up in it and forget I don't have the asian metabolism. But tomorrow is another day! And if it's half as good as this one I'll be happy. And if not there's always the next one. That's what so cool about life! It's never really over and when it is it's just the next chapter...